episode94

3 THINGS TO CONSIDER ABOUT LAZINESS –

I was called lazy a lot as a teenager. I don’t remember number it much before then, but I definitely remember it in my teen years. It negatively affected me well into my twenties and even into my thirties. I would never rest. As an adult I felt so guilty for doing nothing. I did a lot of work on this label and the stories that are associated with this, this word lazy. It helped a lot, but then something really interesting happened a few years ago. I found myself thinking about this exact thing. About this idea of being lazy, because all of a sudden, right in front of me, I had teenagers.

Now you may not have been called lazy, but you may still struggle with the belief at times that you are being lazy. I want to share three things (plus a bonus about your health) to consider about laziness that have helped me. And they might just help you. 

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Well, Hey there, ladies, welcome to episode 94 of the health life and more for women podcast. I’m your host, Jennifer D’Amato before we dive in any further on this episode, all about laziness, oh yeah, we’re going there, I just want to let you know that my private intuitive eating counseling is open. I have three spots available at the time of recording this that’s for women who are done with dieting. Done with all the messages that dieting entails, which is that you need to have a smaller body. You need to eat this type of food. Oh, maybe you can’t even eat at this time of day and you must follow this workout. You are done. Those are my women. Those are the women who sign up to work with me one-on-one to heal their relationship with food. And, you know, it’s not just about intuitive eating. It’s not just about those amazing 10 principles. It’s about you. It’s customized coaching and counseling based on your needs, your history, where you are and what you desire for your health. If you’re interested, don’t wait another moment. Before those spots are gone, grab yours. Go into the show notes, click book, a consult. Let’s hop on a call. 

All right, let’s dive into our topic for this week which is laziness. So I was called lazy a lot as a teenager. I don’t remember number it much before then, but I definitely remember it in my teen years. I would love to tell you that that is where it began and where it ended. But that’s not true. It negatively affected me well into my twenties and even into my thirties. I would never rest. As an adult I felt so guilty for doing nothing, even when I had infants. And if you know anything about me, we have four daughters. The first two are 19 months apart. The second two are two years and like 10 days apart, the third and fourth are two and a half years. Like there’s this big jump or something. But I did, I felt guilty even having babies, itty bitties at home, if I did nothing. Being called lazy, stuck with me and just swirled around in my brain.

Now that might just be unique to me. Where if you say something to me, if you have called me something, I just get this visualization of the word, like floating around in my brain. And that’s exactly what lazy did. Now, most people who meet me and hear this, that I would be called lazy, are usually shocked. I’m basically the opposite of lazy. I’ve shared on this podcast several times that I am an Enneagram three, and I’m all about achieving. It’s probably why the Enneagram is called achievers because that’s what we love. Well, I mean, I thrive off of achieving. 

I will tell you, I did a lot of work on this label and the stories that are associated with this, this word lazy. It helped a lot. One of the women who I worked through this with was actually a counselor and it was actually working with her that really opened my eyes to how much weight I had put to this label and how much it still was negatively affecting me. I think I was in my mid twenties, mid to late twenties when it all came up for me. And I mean, came up, came out, came everywhere, but I was able to let go of so much hurt and the baggage I was carrying around. The baggage I was carrying around didn’t let me rest. The baggage I was carrying around about being lazy was that I always had to be doing something. It’s very different than achieving.

It’s very different than a healthy Enneagram three, but I did the internal work. And then something really interesting happened a few years ago. I found myself thinking about this exact thing. About this idea of being lazy, because all of a sudden, right in front of me, I had teenagers. So I would observe my teens, ladies, if I haven’t told you before I’m a total people watcher like everywhere. And what’s really awesome is when you have four subjects to continuously observe in your own house. But anyway, I would take mental notes throughout the day and I can distinctly remember that moment I thought teenagers are a lazy, no judgment. And I never and will never label my kids as lazy.

What happened though, was I was seeing myself as a teen from a totally different perspective. I am sure I did seem lazy. I mean, think about that for a minute. How many teenagers do you know that want to do chores? I mean I’ve yet to meet one jumping up and down to take the trash out, clean the bathroom, take care of the dog. I mean, any of it. What teenager doesn’t need several reminders about freaking everything, because their brain is firing 600 different things, except the thing you want them to think about? What teenager gets excited about things you get excited about as an adult? I mean, if you guys can find this unicorn, let me know, but I’m telling you, teenagers in general are lazy or appear to be so. Appear to be so.

Now I’m sure these observations would have been perceived differently had I not worked on my own thoughts about being called lazy. A friendly reminder that it’s okay to ask for help when you can’t get through something on your own, when you can’t get over something on your own, or when you can’t understand something on your own. This is also your friendly reminder to not label your kids. This is dangerous ground moms. This is dangerous ground to label your kids. Now because of my experience with the word lazy, I have a very different perspective on what laziness means. Now you may not have been called lazy, but you may still struggle with the belief at times that you are being lazy. I want to share three things to consider about laziness that have helped me. And they might just help you. 

All right, the first thing I want you to consider is that not all laziness is laziness. All right, go with me on this one. So the definition of lazy, you can go look it up yourself, but I’ll just give it to you really simply is unwilling to work or use energy. That’s the definition of lazy. Oftentimes I think that we perceive doing nothing as being lazy. There are times that I sit and watch television essentially doing nothing. And I would probably just categorize that as doing nothing. And it’s not that I’m unwilling to work or use energy. It’s usually that I need to store up energy for what’s ahead. Or I have used up all of my energy and need to replenish. I find this true after a day full of client calls or even podcast recording. I need some, nothing, before or after to show up the way I do for my clients or for you here. I think the way we view the use of energy needs to be addressed because when I’m working with my clients, I’m sitting at my desk, but my brain, my brain is working so hard. Is that possible for your brain to work hard? I mean, it feels like it is just on fire. I am listening intently. I am teaching. I’m coaching. I’m guiding, I’m thinking I’m responding and I’m listening and I’m listening and I’m listening and my brain is exhausted. Doing that client after client, that’s the energy that’s been used that needs to be replenished. Now, I just want you to think about teenagers for a moment, their brain, whether you see it or not is just on fire. That brain is thinking all the time. They might not be telling you that it’s thinking all the time they night might not share every thought with you, but I promise you it is on fire.

It’s no wonder they need to check out. It’s no wonder they appear to be lazy and not want to do anything. Their brain needs to replenish. Just something to think about if you’re raising teenagers or even if you have pre-teens and all of a sudden they seem to make this shift, this is why. 

All right, let’s dive into the second thing I’d like you to consider though about laziness. How you talk to yourself, even if you are being lazy, unwilling to work or use energy, how you talk to yourself in that moment, in those moments matters more than the inaction you are taking. This is not the first time or the last time you have heard me talk about how important our thoughts are, especially when it comes to our thoughts about ourselves.

Beating yourself up for doing nothing is worse than doing nothing. Invoking feelings of guilt or shame has more of a negative impact than putting something off then procrastinating or just freaking resting. If you’re going to rest, if you’re going to do nothing, essentially, it’s not going to actually be very restful if you feel guilty or have negative thoughts about yourself during or after. This is where doing the work on your thoughts is so important. You know, we can avoid things. We can put things off out of fear even. And I would say that’s not about being lazy. Those are other thoughts to address. 

You know, I do a lot of new things. I try to push myself and right now I’m exploring using the Blackstone grill and even the Traeger smoker that we have. Very uncomfortable ground for me, just really started using a grill, not that long ago. And I am really unsure of myself. And it does invoke some feelings of you don’t know what the hell you are doing, Jen. So maybe just put it off. The feelings or thoughts of avoidance or fear are different. That’s different than I’m resting. Than I’m doing nothing. So being aware of your thoughts is important. But I also just want to reiterate how important it is not to fall into this negative mind space. If you are choosing to rest, if you’re choosing to do nothing. So you might need to address your thoughts before doing nothing. What’s the point of resting if you’re going to feel terrible later? So address the thoughts before, and don’t beat yourself up for resting or being lazy if that’s the case. 

Okay, before we dive into the third thing, I want you to consider about laziness, I can’t help but point out how often this term is used when it comes to our health. How many women I see on social media calling themself lazy because they didn’t work out or lazy because they didn’t do grocery shopping or lazy because they aren’t eating quote, healthy enough foods. Ladies, you are not lazy in your health.

Maybe you’re overwhelmed. Maybe you’re feeling pressured. Maybe you’re suffering from chronic dieting fatigue, and you’re just exhausted with so much misinformation, mixed messages and diets in general, make us feel like garbage. When those results don’t last. It’s not that you’re lazy, everyone hits a breaking point and maybe you’ve hit yours. It’s not that you’re lazy. I just want to encourage you, pay attention to where you’re using that word. And if you find yourself struggling, if you find yourself in this loop of, well, I’m lazy, that’s why I can’t do this diet. That’s why I’m struggling here with my health. Message me pop into the show notes, book a consult. Find me on Instagram. Let’s talk more. I don’t believe you’re lazy. I believe diet culture wants you to believe you’re lazy. So that you keep playing the game. If they can keep you believing that you are lazy, then they keep you, I’m here to tell you you’re not lazy. 

Let’s dive into my third and final consideration when it comes to laziness. Now, this last one I feel like has been in my face more now than ever. But I believe it’s because I’m an entrepreneur. I own a small business. I’m running the show and I have this podcast, but I want you to really, really take this one in. We praise action, more than rest in our culture. We shout out the hustle culture and tell women they are not working hard enough if they don’t keep up the hustle. 

Now I am not one to name drop. I will share things on here often. And I just make a very active choice not to talk about the influencer that I’m referring to who’s spreading lies about diet culture, body image, et cetera. But on this one, the girl’s name dropping. Now Rachel Hollis, isn’t the only influencer who has come out swinging with hustle culture, but she is the one that stands out. Telling women she got where she is, or I guess I could say where she was at this point, she’s definitely stuck that foot in her mouth. But she tells women I got here because I get up before you, I get up before my kids. She has said, I work harder than you. I work longer than you. Hustle, hustle, hustle, hustle. My question is, are we really willing to risk our mental health, our relationship, our marriage, our physical health just to get ahead?

 Now, this is coming from an Enneagram three. I am the achiever. I thrive off of achieving. I love producing. I love action, but at what cost? I’m not willing to lose everything to gain one thing. Rest needs to be a priority. It’s not lazy to sleep in. It’s not lazy to take a break. It’s not lazy to stop working at the end of the day, close the office door and be done. No. Rest is not laziness. Rest is self-care. We have to step away from hustle culture. We have to set boundaries with those who spread this message, because what is it doing for you? I can tell you having been someone who followed Rachel Hollis pretty closely, I was at her business conference where these messages were being said, which actually was the reason I walked away.

I had to set a boundary. The hustle culture is just as toxic as the toxic positivity culture. Funny thing she pairs the both of them together, which you have to. You actually have to be part of the toxic positivity if you’re in the hustle culture, because you know what, in the hustle culture, you might be extremely miserable so you need to pretend everything is fine. I actually just had that revelation right here while I was sharing that with you. I think I’ve just figured it out for Rachel Hollis. Why both is what she promoted. Hustle culture needs toxic positivity. That’s good. Somebody write that down somewhere. Jennifer D’Amato health life and more for women podcast revelation.

Okay, maybe don’t write it down, but I suppose it’s going to be in the transcription so it’s there forever. All joking aside, neither the hustle culture or toxic positivity is a healthy place to be. I do hope that these three considerations about laziness got you reflecting. Got you thinking about yourself. Maybe you’re like me. Maybe you just had that label stuck on you. Maybe you found that label on yourself that you stuck there. I hope that these three considerations gave you something to think about gave you something to consider about yourself when it comes to the idea about being lazy. And really even now you can question, am I actually being lazy? Maybe not, probably not. That’s good. All right ladies until next week.

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